the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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