Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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