You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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