I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I believe in your delicious
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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