Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
