i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
