In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
