She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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