whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
