I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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