Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
