i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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