I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
