And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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