actually, I'm a sock model
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
