The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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