The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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