I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
