singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
