Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
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I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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