So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
