Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize