chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
