you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My vagina just recognized that song.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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