I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
