He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
