Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dignity is for republicans.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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