I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
