I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
