I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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