I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize