i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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