When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize