You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
