I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
