awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
