i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Rumble strips road head = magical
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
