it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
