I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
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It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
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Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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