So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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