you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
