I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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