2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
