wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
