just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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