so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Randomize
