FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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