my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
They left me at home... I'm a liability
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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