Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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