my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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