never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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