So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
