You just made me feel so damn special
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
