i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
