addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
