Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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