No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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