Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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