I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
