My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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