It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
