I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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