I am spending my child support on dildos
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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