There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
