I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
