I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
