he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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