WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
